The Letter

FROM June 2006

     Here's a letter that I wrote him. The last one I ever sent.

   Promise Un-kept. Letter Unopened.

     Those were the days...

     Now I can only look back and think about how things were between us. I try to think of the good times only but the bad times most often cloud my memories. There had been so many good times yet most of them, I can't help but associate with the tears. I've learned so much from you and though I can't really say I have no regrets, I am grateful for everything that you have done for me cz I won't be where I'm at, I won't be who I am if I did not go through what I went through.

     The laughter we've shared are priceless,I will forever treasure them.You will always have a special spot in my heart that no matter where life get me, you will always be a part of me. With you I grew up to be a person of courage. I learned to fight for what I want and accept the reality that I simply cannot have it all. I learned to sacrifice and give in. I learned to give and I got to know the joy of getting something in return. I learned to stand up after hard falls and most of all, I learned to love myself more.

We've been together for such a short time but it seems like I've known you all my life. I never knew a person so deeply as much as I know you and I've never been as open to someone as I am to you. In you, I found refuge, I found a friend, I found comfort, I found love. I can never put into words what you really mean to me, words are too simple, my feeling are too complex, you are too special.

     Finally, the word that we've been dreading to say is haunting us... it has always been there, for so long, waiting to be said. Finally, it's goodbye.

     I hate having to let you go. I held on for so long and so did you. We've tried but it's not just for us. Giving up is easier for me now but it still isn't as easy as I wish it is... I did everything that I'm at the luxury of doing. I gave all that I can give. I saved too little for myself. What I have left is not about to be given away now... I am keeping whatever I can keep. I need to start my life... on my own.

No matter what happen, I will always be your friend. I opened my heart to you first, it will never ever close on you. I will always be here fort you but I won't be exactly where you've left me. I will definitely move on. I have forgiven you and sooner or later, I will heal.

     We need to save at least our friendship. I need to let you go before I start hating you forever. I need to let you go before I hurt myself even more. I need to let go before I start hurting you too. Your friendship means more to me that any other thing you can offer. You are my closest friend, the one I always run to when I am in tears even if most of the time it's you who is making me cry.

     Right now I am running in uncertainty. Knowing not where to go and what to do next. It's so hard to start over, so hard to take life back after laying it down for someone who doesn't really take it. It's so hard living on my own and knowing that I really am on my own. I am drowning in confusion right now but I am hopeful... I can manage.

     If there is anything I am sure of right now, it's that I love you and I love you with all my heart.