Let Go Too Soon

Hey you! Yes you! I know you will never get to read this so hear me out. I'm talking to you in spirit. If you listen close enough and try to analyze my breathing or snores while I sleep beside you, you might actually get something.

If you can't keep up with me, maybe you shouldn't stay close. I'm not insensitive. I feel. Too much even but I just don't go around showing it. I know sometimes I am impossibly selfish and cruel but that is part of my defense. I can't put up a wall and not put anything to guard it. That is how I protect myself. Otherwise, I might just end up in the same dark spot I was on, one too many times in the past.

Sure I have fears and I nurse them too well. I admit that.But this is how I survive. I am way too complicated, too calloused. Hard-core. I know. But I care. About so many things other than myself. I care about you. Just don't expect me to wear my heart on my sleeve because I won't. I can't go falling for someone who might be in this just for the thrill of the chase and nothing more. It sucks that I see things this way. It hurts even seeing beautiful things like this slowly fade away because I too can't keep up. If only...

If only you would give me reasons to trust you. If only I can trust you even for no reason at all. If only. I wish I can tell you all this. I wish you care enough to listen. I know I should not expect more than what I am giving. But I can't help but expect more than what I am getting.

I really just wanna be happy already. I know how to love. I too have a heart. Please don't color me heartless. Please understand that as much as I want to hold you, I have to hold out. Please be patient. Please be here for me regardless.

You and I, we have a chance but I need you to work on me, butter me up, soften my heart, founder these walls I built inside. Change my mind.