The Game of Add-Deduct

I was told that women's value depreciates with the number of people she's laid with while men's appreciate as their headcount increases. As much as I'd like to argue on this, somehow this rings true. This is double standard morality and it sucks and its downright sexist. We should value experience as it is. It's screws and bolts, and hey,they go together so why should things be qualified differently?

Oh well, given this... whats our starting rate? Do women start at a hundred then each sexual encounter warrants a demerit while men starts at zero and merits experience points as they screw women? That's awfully unfair but that's society mindset and again...as much as I'd like to argue on that, its how most people think.

How do women get merits though? If its add-deduct, merit-demerit, how do we gain points here?

I'll take information as it is. Everything is relative so reasonable facts for some may be ridiculous assumptions for others.

So what my stand is...you go figure.

The Evolution of Mankind

I have always programmed myself to fear as little as there is to fear and to constantly live life my way, breaking rules if necessary as long as they are not my own... or at least that's what I've been trying to achieve.

When I was younger I had this youthful-stupid-courage and zeal for life. Doing everything that comes to mind, going to opposite ends without thinking about how I'm heading back when I finally come to my senses. I wasn't even thinking that I was out of my senses then. Everything was easy no matter how hard things get. Mistakes were reversible. Tomorrow was far. I was full of dreams but life was full of surprises. I was making my way and nobody and nothing seemed to have stopped me from taking my self-made-path. The only person I cared about was myself. Good or bad...life was a box of chocolate and chocolates are always good.

When I started to lose all this and how, I really do not know. All I know is that over time, I changed into this person who is more careful and less trusting. I am still much into adventures and surprises but my limits are shorter and my conditions-list are way longer. I crave security and tries so hard to achieve it missing alot of fun along the way. I guess this what they call maturity... and it is somehow boring. See, I don't think I am any more mature than most of people are, I still do stupid things but in my own standards, this so-called condition is making life a bit stiff. But we all have to grow up don't we? We acquired new and more responsibilities and it is expected of us to fulfill them. Responsibility is good. It gives me direction, helps me set clearer goals and takes so much of my time and keeps me busy. I just wish I can have the best of both worlds. Be my fun-loving-idiotic self without being irresponsible but again, in my own standards, its quite difficult to do as my idea of fun is always stupid and careless and its difficult to be both when you have so many things to consider.

This is the evolution of me and its inevitable so I'm reprogramming myself to stand these somewhat awful yet expected changes as this is what they call as changing for the better. Life was good. I hope my so-called maturity will make it better.

There are days when I feel so weak and defeated and nothing makes sense and there are days when I just feel so hopeful. Today is one of those few days when everything seems all wrong and I'm just walking in the mud still looking forward to that ray of light at the end of the tunnel. Its a wierd feeling but not strange.

Hope is good.

It keeps me moving forward. Its keeps me holding on. Its keeps me dreaming.

"Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, an hour or even years but sooner or later it will end and something else will replace it... If I give up now though then it will be forever."