Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

You said, you know you are not my type. Maybe you are right. But I like you regardless. I want you around all the time. I miss you when you are not there. I long for you to notice me and to appreciate the things I do. I'm like a little child hungry for your attention. I want you too badly and I don't really understand why.You make me feel like a teenage school-girl, infatuating, lusting, day dreaming about a man and not telling anyone. I remember asking for a man who would make my heart skip a beat and you did. I asked for a man who can make me laugh and you did too. I asked for someone whom I can spill my guts to and just be myself with and I got you. Now I am asking for a man I can keep.

"Breaking up is hard to do."

Indeed it is. Not only because I have to break up with you but because I have to break away from the people around you whom I have learned to love. I hope somehow, I have made them feel just how much I appreciate them and have enjoyed their company. They all felt like 'home' to me and I love them sincerely. I guess I will be missing them as much as I will be missing you.

If it's any consolation, walking away from you is not at all fun. It is very sad that 'we' have to end before we even came to be. I wish things are different. I wish things can be different. I am melo-dramatic. I make a big deal out of every flaw because I am afraid they will fade out in my eyes as my feelings magnify. I don't want to act blind. I am not looking for 'perfect', I know it doesn't exist. I am just looking for consistent. Unfortunately, your attention span seem to be worst than mine. Your affection only lasted 10 minutes. I was left in the corner, lovelorn and frustrated. I expected you to be better but who am I to expect, right? I am not better than anything. I guess I left you in the limelight battered and shamed. I'm thinking I am too much for you. Too honest. Too deep. Too harsh. And maybe too damaged.

So what happened? What went wrong? Here's what. I am falling in. You seem to have fallen out. You chased, I ran. I had a change of heart, I stopped to meet you, you started to walk back. But I refuse chase you. It won't give us a good headstart if I do. Chasing will only get me exhausted and bitter. I want to meet you right where I stopped. I tried to get you to stop walking back. That equates to me chasing. See, I tried. Maybe not hard enough but I tried.

Didn't you notice it when I cooked you a meal and gave you a massage when you were sick even when I was dead tired? Sure I complained a bit because I was dead tired but I did it anyway didn't I? I even rubbed your feet!How fun was that?

Didn't you get a hint when I came by even when it was too late for dinner and was raining, just so I can eat potato leaves with you? I told you I never ate those but I swallowed those damn leaves. For you! I even listened to your ex-tales. I didn't want to hear those, at least not yet, or maybe never, but you wanted your story told so I pretended to be interested. I ended up with a headache but I didn't slap you with blames did I? I just asked for a paracetamol. I ironed your pants too! Didn't that tell you anything? You burned your arm with the flat iron but it wasn't my fault that you were careless. If those things that I did didn't send any message across then you are stupid.

Sure I dropped some rather harsh pickup lines on you but that was me being cute and crazy!

"Are you a nail? cz I wanna hammer your head." I was pissed off and I could have hammered your head for real but I didn't. Instead I came up with that cute line.

"Are you a monkey?Looks natural." Damn that was funny, wasn't it?

"Are you a spider? Can you crawl over me?" Now that is downright sweet and sexy!

Sure I denied you of coitus but didn't I satisfy you in other ways?

Oh well, now that I'm going, whos gonna say mean things to you now? Who's gonna laugh at you in the morning because you slept-talk the night before? Who's gonna wake you up at dawn with kisses and naughty deeds? Who's math problems and thesis are you gonna do now? Who's gonna drunk-talk to you? I'm sure you'll find someone else. Maybe not half-way as crazy as I am. Not as fun. Maybe a better person that I am. I hope so.

Who am I gonna trash-talk now? Whos house am I gonna visit for food? Who am I gonna hold some nights? Who am I gonna love? I know I'll find someone else but I wish I don't have to. I wish I can keep you. Maybe we can be happy together. Maybe that's just too much to ask.