After 6 days and 5 blogs entries, I stopped writing. I got busy and I mean really busy. I went out with friends and cousins and ran errands and practically just moved on. I wasn't really making very much progress in that moving on part but I was at least trying to get back the life that I had before he came and disturb my system. I was hurting less.
So he asked me to call him the other day and I did. He broke a really sad news. She cheated on him too and now she's pregnant with another guy's baby. He asked me if it makes me happy that he is now free. I said no because really, other people's pain doesn't make me happy...specially his. I hate seeing his heart getting broken. I hated myself for breaking his heart before.
If this was a movie and I was a mere viewer, I would hate her and pity him and be happy for the bitch who's been waiting in the corner wishing one day she will get her chance to have him. But I am that bitch and I am not clapping my hands and leaping with joy. If anything, I feel like a spare tire.All the while I was feeling guilty for loving a man who's not ready for the taking, they were both out there fucking other people. All the time I was feeling evil for wanting what's not mine, they were there making room for entruders. I didn't want to ruin them so I kept my distance but they went ahead and ruined what they had anyway.
How could people lie like that? How could you say " i love you" and sleep in another person's bed at night? How could you send happy messages of love and devotion to someone while fucking someone else? I'm not trying to come clean because I'm as dirty as heel too but all I did was love and I did it will all honesty I can handle. I even wore my heart on my sleeve even if it means losing what little pride I have left. I guess even when I'm cynical, I'm still a romantic or maybe, I'm just honest not because I'm a bad liar but because lies are very toxic. I should know. I learned well.
Karma is a bitch. I will really slap you hard in the fce and knock you down until you recognize it. You get what you put in and sometimes in a very cruel way, you get more.
I wish there's anything I can do to make him feel better. He is my friend after all.
There's this woman who loves him like a man but that woman is all too damaged. She can't help him pickup the pieces of his broken heart because she is still trying to figure out a way to pickup the broken pieces of hers but then there's this other person in her who loves him deerly as her friend and that person's heart is always whole and always overflowing for her friends. And all she want is to see him through. She just want him to be better and to carry on like the man that she knows.
As for me, i'll just try to be a good person and as much as I can, be real because that is the only thing that keeps me from being completely cynical. Just because other people lie doesn't mean I have to too. At least that way, if I do hurt anyone, it's because it's true and if I do hurt myself, I know I wasn't fooling and I am still me....and I don't want bad karma. It sucks.
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