It's sad that you don't seem to notice what didn't survive in this whole process of me trying to deal with this whole situation you re making me deal with. It may seem like everything is fine. In the surface it's what it looks like. But deep inside, that thing that used to feel for you too much is rotting.

Things may seem to work even if I don't trust you enough or not at all but what you don't know is that every step taken to reach out for you, every step forward is two steps backward.

As much as I'd like to be someone who keeps pushing forward, who ignores all pain and deception, who loves with her eyes close, I am not that. I love with my eyes open...wide...and though there are things I see that I seem to ignore, every detail is noticed and remembered and collected until one day, I get enough of it to finally make me run away instead of just making those little-seemingly-trivial-steps.

I'm on the right track. The last thing I want to do is hurt you but it's still in my list.