We agreed to talk last night. He told me to wait for him and we will talk. So like the stupid girl that I am, I waited. Then I drifted to sleep. He never called. Not even a text message.
So I guess that's just it.
I wonder what's making me do the things I'm doing? Is it really love or just my constant search for conversations and companion? I'm sure I understand what love is and what it's not but with all other emotions and intentions mixed to it, it gets blurry.
A man making you feel good in bed is not love. An orgasm is not love. Good conversations does not necessarily shouts love. Needing someone does not always mean loving someone. Even sacrifice, the noblest of all, is not always done because love.
Wanting a person to be better, to do the right thing, to be happy even if that means you will be left out somewhere feeling like a loser...maybe that's love. If it's not, then that's just plain stupidity.
I'm not an expert on love. Really. My idea of it is somewhat messed up but I can make out the difference between that and other things.
So I'm gonna go out and jog with Weng. I need that to sweat the stress out. I need to find outlets for this ugly pain and insecurities I'm feeling. I need to run.
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