Forgetting is Easy...For You.

It hurts to be forgotten. More than anything else.

Sunday:

The beach was beautiful. The music was good. The night was made to make memories.I was standing there in the middle of the crowd. Cj was on the phone with her friend. I was trying to enjoy the music but all I ever thought about was him. I know he wasn't thinking about me. It's not very hard to figure out. How could someone be so alone and be so sad in such a festive night? As if to validate my thoughts, a guy came to me and asked me if I was alone and I said yes. I was. Alone and forgotten. I am not alone because I don't have any choice. I am alone because I chose someone who doesn't want to be with me. I am alone because I saved my love for someone who doesn't even care enough to remember.

Monday:

Still thinking what could have happened? Why the disconnect? I'm sure it wasnt something I've said because we didnt speak at all. Maybe he was busy. Too busy and I'm not in his calendar. Of course I'm not. He is under no obligation to communicate and I know that. But why do I wait? Sleep. Just when you badly need that escape, it won't come. Why is it so easy to forget me and why is it almost impossible for me not to think of him? Maybe tomorrow.

Tueday:

I survived three days without him. I've always been without him but one way or another he made his presence seem real but for the last three days, he wasn't. He is not real. He comes when he wants to and I close my eyes. When he is ready to leave, I wake up from the dream and I face the nightmare. It's always like that. He is just a product of my longings and delusions. I should stop anticipating. I should stop. You can't break what's not whole and you can't lose what's not yours. My reality and his reality are different. He was only there in my imaginary world and I was getting drunk in passion that was not real. I was holding on too hard to the illusion with hopes that one day they will become true but as I go on with my days, there was really no promise of him to be there. I survived three days without him, I will just have to repeat the process.