It's like damn if I do and screw me if I don't.

I'm consistently inconsistent.

For some reasons, it's been very hard for me to live up to my words lately. I mean, I really want to but I really don't want to also. See, there's a huge conflict there. Part of me wants to do things the other part doesn't. No gray spots here. Just plain black and white, yes and no and the conflict is all over the place.

Why, why, why?

Why can't I be as decisive as I have been?

Why can't no mean no and yes mean yes anymore?

I know very well that this mess I got myself into can only get messier. Like a quicksand, the longer I stay on it, the deeper I drown and before I know it, I'm in deep shit and it would be too hard to recover. But there are really good things here too. I feel good a a lot of times. I'm happy some days.

It's like damn if I do and screw me if I don't.

Lately, everyday has been a roller coaster. One day I'm happy, the next day I can hardly stand being awake. It's like I'm starting to develop some bi-polar disorder here. It's like I've been on both extremes in a span of a little over a month.

What the fuck have I gotten myself into and whats in it for me?

Better question is... is it even worth all the confusion?